The Phoenix Cyrstal

[TwilightPrince]

Story: In the kingdom of light there is a powerful crystal with infinite power and limitless possibility. In times of darkness the chosen one of the crystal would use its power to save the worlds, but does with evil intension's would steal the crystal and use it for evil. The Guardian of the crystal would eventually take it back and hide it once more. The crystal became so dangerous that its guardian decided to create two other crystals to guard it. They were the Omega and Alpha crystals, both with the power create or destroy. After the first war the phoenix who guarded the three crystals vanished and with it the crystals. It was said the phoenix sealed itself inside a small prince in the kingdom when the child was born. The crystal was never found until a new threat arrived.The young princes own uncle stole the alpha and omega crystals and created a dark army to destroy the kingdom of light. The war lasted 5 years and the prince and his sister were sent away to be protected from the war. The dark army almost completely destroyed the army of light and the princes father was captured. 4 years after the war the dark king searched for the phoenix crystal hoping to use it to rule all worlds.


(thats what i have so far any suggestions)

[Kairi & Namine]

well you have some typos.

[TwilightPrince]

(i know im double posting)

Character sheet

User name:
Character name:
Age:
Gender:
Dimension of birth:
Personality:
Appearance:
Weapon:
Alliance: (your either with the army of light or Darkness)
Bio:

[KH2_FinalSora]

It's pretty interesting, but it has a few problems. It's descriptive, but it has too many run-on sentences. It's hard to read.

[Kairi & Namine]

(i know im double posting)

Character sheet

User name:
Character name:
Age:
Gender:
Dimension of birth:
Personality:
Appearance:
Weapon:
Alliance: (your either with the army of light or Darkness)
Bio:
what's this?

[TwilightPrince]

sorry i like making up stories any way to shorten it

[KH2_FinalSora]

Actually, don't worry about length. What i meant about run-ons, is that you combined too many sentences, so that when you read it, it seems like one sentence just keeps on going. Just seperate some of the longer sentences, maybe add a few more descriptions, and you'll be good.

[TwilightPrince]

ok i edited it but what else should i put in it the names of the king, prince, uncle, and sister

[KH2_FinalSora]

Um, names are good. Also, things like the Kingdom of Light and the Crystals need to be capitalized, because of a few reasons. One, it makes them stand out, it gives them importance, and since it is a proper noun, they are technically required to have capitals.

Um....if you want, I can fix it really quick.

[TwilightPrince]

if you have the power too then ok

[KH2_FinalSora]

Story:

In the Kingdom of Light, there is a powerful crystal with infinite power and limitless possibility. In times of darkness, the Chosen One of this crystal would use its power to save the worlds, but those with evil intension's would steal the crystal and use it for evil. The Guardian of the crystal would eventually take it back and hide it once more. The crystal became so dangerous that its Guardian decided to create two other crystals to guard it. They were the Omega and Alpha crystals, both with the power create or destroy. After the first war, the Phoenix who guarded the three crystals vanished, and with it the crystals. It was said the Phoenix sealed itself inside a small prince in the Kingdom when the child was born. The crystal was never found until a new threat arrived. The young prince's own uncle stole the Alpha and Omega Crystals and created a dark army to destroy the Kingdom of Light. The war lasted 5 years and the prince and his sister were sent away to be protected from the war. The dark army almost completely destroyed the Army of Light and the prince's father was captured. Four years after the war, the Dark King searched for the Phoenix Crystal hoping to use it to rule all worlds.

[TwilightPrince]

perfect wish i was better at this but now ill try to put names for people

Characters:
Solaris: Prince of the Kingdom of Light
Micheal: King
Crystal: Sister and princess
Lucifer: Uncle and ruler of the dark kingdom
Genesis: Phoenix who guards the crystal
Christina: Took care of the prince and princess during war
Zeke: Husband of Christina
Mark: Knight who trained the Prince and Princess
Sophia: Knight who trained the Prince and Princess
Minerva: Knight who trained the Prince and Princess
Apollo: Knight who trained the Prince and Princess and was also the previous chosen one of the crystal

[KH2_FinalSora]

Okay, good. Um...I think it;s good from here.

[TwilightPrince]

yeah just need to put it in grading

[Kairi & Namine]

now what?

[TwilightPrince]

now we wait

[Rex]

it may take longer...I'm the only one grading these things

[TwilightPrince]

i know but i can wait

[Rex]

i know but i can wait

Sorry I can't do more for you...if I had it my way your RPG would be accepted and in already.

[TwilightPrince]

dont worry about it the weekend is coming up and im never online on the weekend so it wouldn't matter

[Rex]

dont worry about it the weekend is coming up and im never online on the weekend so it wouldn't matter

I'll make sure it get's graded.

[TwilightPrince]

thanks