Axizol
06-12-2008, 09:18 PM
I'll try to edit out uneeded language, but some is needed for impact. :)
~~
So, I think my confusion is starting to get to me. For one, I start posting posts about love Vs, which I want to have nothing to do with anymore, I start telling random people that I like them even though they live in freaking Hawaii. This has been one hell of an end of a year.
I can feel that all of this confusion, all of these feelings i'm feeling for people are going to end up blowing up in my face. It's funny, because I can feel it coming, yet I can't run nor hide. I've lost a couple more gallons of my river of sanity, and It's nearly definite that I won't reach open water unless I can figure out what's going on.
So, there's Stephanie. She was completely and utterly amazing to me at the party, either subtract or add a couple hickies, your choice. It was one of the best times of my life. I mean, I was nearly singing on the way home WITH my dad in the car, and I don't sing in public. I feel I can do something more with her, be there for her more, or something, but I don't know anymore. She's one of the most attractive people that I know. I don't give a shit how she feels about that, but she is, I promise. I can go on and on about her amazingness, but I'll leave it at I might maybe could have another crush on her again.
Then there's a whole bunch of other people that I'm kind of like 'oh, hello, you're pretty cool'. I don't want to feel this way, and like I told somebody else, my Bisexuality is only getting in my way of greater things. I hate it, because I can feel that I'll never get over myself, I'll always be wondering what it was like if I choose to go the other way. It's inevitable, and It will be my downfall.
Sarah leaving only makes things worse for me. She was pretty cool to begin with, minus all of her drug abuse problems and smoking, but her loss is going to effect everybody around everybody. Stephanie's devastated, and she won't let anybody help her, despite my futile efforts to get through her mask. I've seen in her soul twice now, Stephanie's, once when she gave me permission at lunch, and once after school on Friday. I can see that she's hurting a lot, and I really want to help her. I didn't really get to know Sarah well, but I feel that there will be another chance, and I don't care about what other people say about this being her end. Sarah isn't going to kill herself because they watch people closely. I'm hoping. Strongly.
I don't know anymore. The world is spinning without me, and I'm about twelve revolutions behind. Time just needs to stop for awhile so I can figure out what I want, what to do, what to say, anything. I need to figure crap out before making any more moves.
Like that'll happen.
~~~
Comments and Critique is widely accepted. ;D
~~
So, I think my confusion is starting to get to me. For one, I start posting posts about love Vs, which I want to have nothing to do with anymore, I start telling random people that I like them even though they live in freaking Hawaii. This has been one hell of an end of a year.
I can feel that all of this confusion, all of these feelings i'm feeling for people are going to end up blowing up in my face. It's funny, because I can feel it coming, yet I can't run nor hide. I've lost a couple more gallons of my river of sanity, and It's nearly definite that I won't reach open water unless I can figure out what's going on.
So, there's Stephanie. She was completely and utterly amazing to me at the party, either subtract or add a couple hickies, your choice. It was one of the best times of my life. I mean, I was nearly singing on the way home WITH my dad in the car, and I don't sing in public. I feel I can do something more with her, be there for her more, or something, but I don't know anymore. She's one of the most attractive people that I know. I don't give a shit how she feels about that, but she is, I promise. I can go on and on about her amazingness, but I'll leave it at I might maybe could have another crush on her again.
Then there's a whole bunch of other people that I'm kind of like 'oh, hello, you're pretty cool'. I don't want to feel this way, and like I told somebody else, my Bisexuality is only getting in my way of greater things. I hate it, because I can feel that I'll never get over myself, I'll always be wondering what it was like if I choose to go the other way. It's inevitable, and It will be my downfall.
Sarah leaving only makes things worse for me. She was pretty cool to begin with, minus all of her drug abuse problems and smoking, but her loss is going to effect everybody around everybody. Stephanie's devastated, and she won't let anybody help her, despite my futile efforts to get through her mask. I've seen in her soul twice now, Stephanie's, once when she gave me permission at lunch, and once after school on Friday. I can see that she's hurting a lot, and I really want to help her. I didn't really get to know Sarah well, but I feel that there will be another chance, and I don't care about what other people say about this being her end. Sarah isn't going to kill herself because they watch people closely. I'm hoping. Strongly.
I don't know anymore. The world is spinning without me, and I'm about twelve revolutions behind. Time just needs to stop for awhile so I can figure out what I want, what to do, what to say, anything. I need to figure crap out before making any more moves.
Like that'll happen.
~~~
Comments and Critique is widely accepted. ;D