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View Full Version : "Woods'ly Confusion"; tell me what you think :/


LFO
12-30-2008, 04:16 PM
WT warning: Mature language is present.

I wrote this for a project of mine. Tell me what you think :/ Critique me!!!

A light breeze seemed to play about with the flowers around me. The grass shook, the leaves waved, and above all, the trees groaned, stirred from their fast holdings.
A storm was on the horizon.
At first it did not look too menacing. I gathered up my belongings and started off back to my own home at a brisk pace. This spot always served me well in times of hardship and homeward troubles, but, it seemed, not anymore.
A storm was on the horizon.
Suddenly, I remembered, for an instance, why I had came here:... hair, as every one of you has. Hair, and the sweet smell of Tobacco. Freshly opened, crisp. He had smoked... I told him not to. You lean in to catch a nose-full...- and he does something surprising.
You're kissing him, lightly, surprised but pleased. It's nice. You feel awkward, so you move in closer... you reach for him... What? What was that? No. No!
So you kick in in the balls and run. That's how it is. He's not chasing or following or anything, but the escape is important.
That's how life gets fucked up. By the man you love.
A storm is on the horizon.

'...[10 o'clock Tele] Breaking news, reporting live; this just in, a boy raised for two whole years by escaped mountain gorillas... Find out about a similar event thirteen years past...'
Sounds sorta familiar, doesn't it?

"Honey! Did you just get home? Could you take out the trash for me?" A short, stout woman, who was by far the opposite of a mirror image, walked out onto the porch and called to me.
"Well, yeah, ma, but-"
"But nothing! I slaved my butt off making dinner for you every night, so it would be nice if you took out the trash for once." She closed the porch swing door and walked back. I walked to the side of the house and got the bags, putting it by the front of the house with the other garbage, to be picked up tomorrow on trash day.
The house was stuffy, as always. It hit me as I walked in, a low, dull heat, burning incense in the corner of the living room. My mom restocked it often. Today was Orange Raspberry.
"There you are." I turned around. My mom was still in the kitchen. "Make the table, will you?"
'...The boy was found naked, wandering onto State Road Eleven. When asked where he was from, the boy simply pointed to the woods, Policeman Jerry Herman said...', '...Word is, says Frank Brown, the man who found the boy, that boy was abandoned as a babe, but he looks just like my son, you know....'
"Honey, where were you? I don't like it when you disappear like that, you know." Great. Just like my mom to corner me while I'm eating and hound me.
"I was just in the woods, ma." She gasped.
"You could have been struck by lightning! Or worse, you could have been kidnapped, or ran into a band of thugs, or...Oh!"
"Ma, you're over exaggerating. I go into the woods all the time..."
"Of course! I'm your mother. Now, I really don't approve of you heading out into the woods after that poor boy was found by the side of the road! Find somewhere else, just for me...please?" I rolled my eyes. My mother was always nagging on me.
"Mom, I'm not going to change my spot. I've been going there for years."
"Yeah, after we picked you up from those filthy hippies!"
"They're not filthy!"
That was the last straw. I got up from the kitchen table, and walked up the stairs to my room.
“Honey?” I didn't want to talk to her. I opened the door, shut it, and lay my head down on it to rest...
“...Another argument with Mom?” I jumped, startled; no one went into my room.
“What is it, Dick?” He scowled. His real name was Richard, but I liked to annoy him; he hated that nickname.
“You know, I don't like it when you call me that,” He got off my bed, and walked over to me. “But, you can call me Rick.” He was breathing into my ear now.
“Fuck you, Dick.”
“If you want to, I'm just a hallway down...”
“No, you creep me out!” I pushed him off of me, and he jeered.
“Alright, gypsy boy,” That made me wanna punch him; I hate it when he calls me that. “I'll just back off. Obviously, you need some time to cool your hot head.”
Once he had gone away, I took out my sketchbook from my bag, which I had brought with me to my secret spot. Most of the drawings were of plants, trees, and small woody animals... But my favorite, by far, was a drawing of myself, reflected by a small stream. It was drawn from the perspective of an outside viewer; the face in the stream stared at you, and so did the other 'me' within the drawing itself.

Tediously, you go, day by day, doing the things that must be done. Groggily get up, go for breakfast, go take a shower, go get a good education, in school. That's the day. It's simple, but you like it, to a point. Your story isn't there, though. Tedious and simple, that's not what you would like to think life was about.
"Hey! I haven't seen you in like, ages! How are you, Ted?" He laughed.
"I'm just great! I mean, I couldn't wait to get back to school and see you all again, you know? All my friends, I mean."
"Oh yeah. You know, I think this year's gonna be, like, one of those...transition years. A lot of things are gonna happen, you know? Like, more people might leave, the cliques might get rearranged...you know?"
"Yeah. I know. I agree."
This is the beginning of school, for me. I got ready for school, went to school, did my work, and had horrible, awkward conversations with people I knew.
--------------------------

In the next class, there was this one guy... his name was Eric. Not too tall, but not too short... and very inconspicuous. Doubt anyone noticed him very much. But, I did. He had simple brown hair and hazel eyes, which is the norm, but I didn't care. I silently admired him from a distance, for his distance from everyone in the class, and probably the majority of the school. Me, I knew most of the kids in my year. They all knew me, though, somehow or another.
See, there was this one time that Eric stood up for me. Some kids were picking on me in the back of the class, and he... He was just sitting there, you know? While they were taunting me and calling me fag and shit. But, he just stood up, walked over to the lead 'bully', if that's what you'd like to call him... And punched him in the face. I was floored. The teacher didn't even see it happen. But she turned around, and of course asked what the ruckus was about. Eric had sat down, but no one liked Rob, the 'lead bully', very much. I was reluctant to tell Teach that it was Eric... because, of course I had to tell her. I was responsible... After that was the first time I talked to him. After the three of us, Rob, me, and Eric, went and got Mediation.
------------------------

“Hey.” It was simple as that, I didn't know what else to say.
“...Well, hi.” He had turned around, trying to figure out who had talked to him. I smiled, waved at him. He smiled back. I wished he would say something, but of course the simplicity of modern day communication demanded more out of me than him.
“So...you really didn't have to do that, back there.”
“What do you mean, punch Rob? Eh... I don't really like him very much, and anyways, he deserved it.”
“Well, still...! You didn't... Never mind. Sucks that you got Internal...” I didn't know what else to say. He looked to the side as a car approached the sidewalk.
“Haha... I won't have to deal with Rob, then.”
“Then, that much more horrible once you get back.”
“I never thought of that, but I don't think so. I think he'll forget. Besides, I'm a nobody; who has a quarrel with a nobody?” I stared at him. Had he really just said that? I didn't think he was a nobody... Just, nobody noticed him.
“You're not a nobody.”
“How so?”
“You're just not. A nobody is a person that nobody hangs out with. No one talks with them, or even notices them, because they're not worth the time. But I'm talking to you, aren't I?” He grinned.
“I like that! I like how you think. It's original.” I blushed a little. He had complimented me. “But hey, I gotta go. That's my mom over there, in that Sedan. She's not going to be happy with my suspension. See you around, yeah?"
"Yeah..." I waved goodbye, and he left. After that, the long walk home......
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LFO
12-30-2008, 04:18 PM
(Word Count, separated to two posts)


"Well boys, you all should know that this school doesn't tolerate such nonsense." We had each went through our respective stories to the Principal and our teacher. They were appalled, but I wasn't really sure why.
"Well, I really don't care. Can I just get a detention or somethin' and go? I have class."
"Young man! You will stay here until the principle and I determine an appropriate punishment!"
"Do you know what this is? It's called a Hate Crime. I hope your mother is proud of you."
"Oh, I bet she is." I smirked; so he really was smart, eh? The principal sighed, and Teach just kinda sat there, furious. The Principal kinda shuffled through some papers, and gave him one to sign.
"That is an external suspension. Take it home. It will go on your permanent record." Rob kind of just stared at it... I was laughing inside about this entire thing.
"And as for you, Eric." A large folder was already on his desk. He took it, and flipped through it absent-mindedly. Obviously it was Eric's. And he had a large record. "Eric, as you can tell, I'm disappointed in you. You've had a perfect record this year; up until today. Mind telling me why you did it?" Eric crossed his arms.
"Well, I wasn't gonna sit there while the ass committed a hate crime and no one paid any attention." The Teach dropped her jaw.
"Excuse me young man-!"
"Mrs. Turner, please. Eric, you should have raised your hand and alerted the proper authority head, which in this case would be Mrs. Turner. We are all here to help you and Ted."
"Well, I didn't want to use the system, okay? Now, give me my punishment so I can go." He sat there, sulking for the next five minutes.
"Alright. Since you're so accepting of the punishment, and I expect you to improve, I'm going to send you to Internal Suspension for...two days. Sound reasonable?" Eric looked surprised. Judging from the size of his record, I'd say he should have been expelled.
"Well, alright...thanks." With that, he held out his hand for the paperwork, and left. Now it was my turn.
The principal sighed and sat down to face me. "Be careful what you get into, Ted. That one's a bit troublesome." I wanted to ask what he had done to have a file so big, but I didn't. So I nodded. There was nothing else to do.
"Do you need me at all...?"
"Well...no. I'm just going to call your mother and tell her what happened, and explain to her that you won't have to serve anything."
"She's not going to care, you know." He frowned.
"Well, regardless, I'm calling."
"I'd expect you to, you're the Principal." He smiled some. I waved, "Thanks. Bye."
----------------------------------

This was not the kind of life he wanted to live.
Looking at the big, bright new house in front of him, Ted felt angry inside. The police had taken him away from his real parents. They were in jail, and me...since I didn't have any official information, well, they just made me a new identity. They kept my first name...but now...I'm adopted.
-----------------------------------

Somehow, things were said, and I managed to invite Eric to my house. He was a trouble kid who did drugs and was a questionable person...he smoked a lot, had a fake ID, and was rarely sober on weekends. And somehow....I liked him.
"Is that you, Eric?" My mother came out of nowhere and pounced on Eric, pinching his cheeks and hugging him. "Oh, I've missed you! What in heavens are you doing in this ratty old place?" Eric looked perplexed as to why my mother was here.
"Haha, this house isn't ratty, although I do like the old one more. Why'd you move?"
"Oh, well - we moved after Ted became a part of our family." A sense of understanding came to Eric's face then.
"Ah...Yeah. That makes sense."
"You're friends with Ted?"
"Yeah...you didn't hear about the thing?"
"What, deary?"
"Oh, nothing." My mother and Eric kept on rambling for a while, but I decided to just run upstairs. I was about to reach my door, but Richard was blocking my way.
"What's all the ruckus downstairs?"
"Oh, nothing, my friend Eric is here."
"I know who's downstairs, you know. I know that voice." He smirked, but I didn't really know why. At that point there was an awkward silence...and then Eric walked up towards the two of us.
"Hey Rick."
"Hey Eric. Didn't expect to see you here anytime soon."
"Yeah. Hey, I'll catch up with you later, kay? I'm gonna hang out with Ted." And we did, for a while. We went to bed, and I could tell that he wasn't sleeping. After a while, Rick opened the door, and Eric walked out to meet him...they went to his room.
-----------------------------------

It had been a couple days after Eric had slept over my house. When I woke up, he was sleeping on the floor in his sleeping bag, not in Rick's room. Maybe it had been a dream, but I doubted it. A dream where I felt like something was being taken away from me? Well...not like it was unlikely, it's happened before.
School was as uneventful as usual. Every day, going and learning nothing, and being expected to regurgitate information and then remember exactly what you regurgitated later. See, the trick was to learn how your teacher wanted you to throw up on them, and they'd give you an A. Simple as that. Except, I was civilized, so I refused to go to school just so I could regurgitate like everyone else.
So I got C's. F's. D's. Not like any of them mattered, because in the classes I liked, I got B's. Sometimes A's. The overall grade didn't matter, just how I got the grade. Test grades, homework grades, if I got A's on the things I did with effort, I was happy. There was nothing else to it.
But see, not everything goes according to plan. On that specific day, I had met Eric after school, intending on showing him my 'secret spot', of sorts; an area in the woods that I liked to go to and draw, relax, escape.
"Yo Eric, wanna come with me somewhere?" He looked inquisitive.
"Where to?"
"This place in the woods just outside of town. I go there all the time, but I haven't actually taken anyone to it yet..." I blushed, and looked at the cars passing by, pretending I didn't care. Eric walked up to me and smiled, commenting on the cars.
"You know there's nothing there. Nothing in what you're seeing right now. It's just cars. I'm right here, why don't you look at me?" My eyes widened a little, but I smiled. The words rung true; he was right. So I turned and looked at him...
"What do you mean, you're right here? Of course you are...I never denied that."
"Well, I won't always be here in front of you. There might be a time when I'll never ever be in your life again." His voice sounded hollow, but the intention didn't match. The words were so sad.
"But I want you to be here with me. That's what friends are for, right?" I looked over at him, expecting a response. He was still looking at the cars.
"Friends? Yeah." And then..he did it. He stepped forward, closer and closer...dangerously close...and he kissed me.
He actually fucking kissed me.
I didn't know what to do. It felt like seconds when it was really minutes, but a lot of images flashed through my head just then, most of them inappropriate.
Should I push him away or should I accept this? Is this a good thing? Do I like this? Should I just stay here and make out with him? What the hell does he mean by this? Does he like me...?
I need air! I need to breath! I'm not out of breath, I'm not suffocating. I just need room to think!
So I pushed him away. I pushed him away, and I said, "Fuck you. What the hell!?" He just stood there, looking at the ground, with a silly smile.
"...You didn't like it?" I was lost for words.
"Th-that's not the point! Stupid..." I fumbled for words.
"...You like me, don't you?" He took a step forward.
"Well-uh...Yeah! Yeah, but I...- God, I'm so confused..." I could feel his breath against my face he was so close.
"If you like me...then do it."
"D-do what?"
"Kiss me."
"What for?" Now I was angry. He was just giving himself to me, like he didn't care at all. It didn't matter who or where, just that they were someone.
"...You like me, don't you? It feels good, doesn't it?" With that, I couldn't take it anymore. I suddenly realized what he had done with Rick when I was sleeping. I always knew, I just didn't want to admit it.
"You...you-- Fuck you!" That was all I could take. I shoved him away and kneed him in the balls. I knew where I was running to; my secret spot. It didn't matter how long it was going to take or how long I could carry myself on my legs, I just had to run. I didn't have to turn around to see that he wasn't chasing me.
Do I want him to chase after me? Do I want to be sought after?
Yes, i do. I want him to chase after me, that's why I'm running away.
Then why am I running?

RXS
12-30-2008, 05:49 PM
I admit I didn't read the whole thing, but the part I did read I liked :D

LFO
12-30-2008, 05:51 PM
I admit I didn't read the whole thing, but the part I did read I liked :D

kjdgkljfdklgjrgjdlgk >:C

EDIT: READ THE WHOLE THING :C

Lone Wolf
12-30-2008, 05:52 PM
I didn't read all of it either, but it does seem pretty good.

Since its literature and not meant to offend anyone I'm going to leave a little warning at the top if you don't mind.

LFO
01-02-2009, 03:25 AM
I didn't read all of it either, but it does seem pretty good.

Since its literature and not meant to offend anyone I'm going to leave a little warning at the top if you don't mind.

Lolz, oops. I forgot... Eheh >.>