Need Opinions Please!

[gamemaster1087]

Ok, so I am in a Creative Writing class this year and was having trouble coming up with new topics to write about. My laziness eventually ended up causing me to keep adding on to a story that i had never finished. I eventually entitled it "The Reaper" and have decided to turn it into a book.

I will post each chapter as i finish it along with a notice on the thread. Any comments, positive or negative, are appreciated greatly. You can either post the comments here or e-mail me. THANX!!!

[One_Without_A_Soul]

I really liked it, there were a couple mistakes here and there but I really did like it. Coming from me that's a super compliment because I really am not into reading. Can't believe it but I actually think I'm excited for Chapter 2.

[khrules]

in my opinion i think you did a very good job. :D

[gamemaster1087]

thanks for teh compliments guys. chapters 2 and 3 are done but im editing them before i post. :D

[gamemaster1087]

OK I give up!

CHAPTER 1
A dark figure in a black trench coat was crouched on a roof in Moscow, a sniper rifle held tight to his shoulder. The late afternoon sunlight glinted off a set of silver dog tags hanging around the man’s neck. Only one of the man’s ice blue eyes was visible as the other was peering through the scope attached to his weapon. This may seem odd to some people, but to Daxus Connors, it was just another day at the office. He looked through the scope and aimed between the eyes of his target. Daxus was a Reaper, a professional hit man, and he had been hired to assassinate the Russian President.
His aim did not falter as his mark climbed the steps to the podium and prepared to speak. The president turned to face his audience and, without a second thought, Daxus pulled the trigger.
At first, no one moved, but as the former President fell to the stage, dead, panic ensued. The military personnel who had been vainly protecting the President were now moving to block the streets exiting the square as the terrified audience tried desperately to escape.
The stage was a flurry of movement as paramedics arrived to aid their fallen leader. The paramedics pronounced him dead and a microphone which had been knocked over in the commotion amplified the statement for all to hear. The agonized wail of the President’s wife echoed through the square, giving Daxus a sort of sadistic pleasure. A satisfied smile teased the corners of his mouth.
As much as he wanted to stay and watch, Daxus knew he had to leave. He had already stayed too long and may have compromised his escape. Captain would never forgive him if he was caught.
Daxus disassembled his weapon and packed it into its case. He entered the self-destruct code and crept toward the door that led into the building, but before he reached it, a SWAT team burst through the door and surrounded Daxus, forcing him to his knees. A man in a suit walked up to him.
“Daxus Tyler Connors,” he said, “you’re under arrest.”
At least seven M-16 rifles were trained on Daxus as he was searched for weapons. The man in the suit confiscated Daxus’s pistol from its holster at his hip and the two Spec Ops daggers from his boot and belt. His hands were zip-tied behind his back and Daxus was escorted into the building. The group descended the staircase to the top floor of the building and entered the industrial-sized elevator. Daxus could hear gunshots and screaming from the crowd outside.
The suited man pressed the button for the ground floor and the doors closed as the elevator began to descend. The man then pulled out a cell phone, dialed a number, and spoke.
“Yes ma’am,” he said. “We have him.” There was a short pause, then, “No ma’am, he came quietly.” Another short pause followed and the man frowned. “I mean no disrespect, ma’am, but I think that eight specially trained agents can control one unarmed prisoner.” This time there was a long pause, followed by more frowning. “Yes, ma’am. I understand,” he said before hanging up.
It was then that Daxus chose to speak. “You know who I am, but who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Johannes Sheppard and I am an anti-terrorism operative who specializes in apprehending political assassins,” replied the man in the suit. “These are my best agents.”
“Well, Joey,” Daxus said, and Sheppard frowned at the nickname, ”I hate to hurt your ego, but I’m not a political assassin.” Daxus chuckled at his wittiness.
“Is that so?” Sheppard smirked. “We happen to have you linked to the assassinations of at least seventeen prominent political leaders in the past two years.”
Daxus’s laughing stopped and surprise flashed across his face. How long had they been keeping tabs on him? There were a few moments of silence, then, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be out of here in a few seconds anyway.”
Daxus’s statement was met with curious stares. Sheppard opened his mouth to speak, but before he could utter a word, the building shook with the force of a tremendous explosion, causing the elevator to shudder to a halt. The case on the roof had detonated.
The agents, caught off guard, were thrown to the floor. Daxus, however, had been expecting the blast, and quickly recovered, seizing one of his daggers from the belt of an agent and quickly cut the tie on his wrists.
The man closest to Daxus had been knocked unconscious when he hit the floor, and Daxus quickly disposed of him. Blood gushed from the wound in the man's neck and soaked his clothes and the floor beneath him. Another agent had regained his composure, but was again caught off guard as Daxus lunged forward and plunged his dagger into the man's chest. More blood soaked the floor and Daxus slid a little as he whirled around to face his next opponents.
Two more agents were up and, after realizing that Daxus was free, turned their guns on him. However, before they could fire, Daxus closed in on them. He grabbed his second dagger from the floor where it had fallen and, with one knife in each hand, swung his arms out and slit both men's throats simultaneously as he slid between them. As Daxus passed between the dying men, he turned and kicked another agent’s head, knocking him down. Daxus landed behind the man and, with a sharp twist, snapped his neck.
While Daxus was focused on dispatching the man, another agent recovered and crept up behind Daxus. He lunged toward Daxus, reaching for his neck, but Daxus was too fast and dodged the attack, whirling around behind the agent and forcing him to the ground. Daxus pulled his pistol from the man's belt and pressed it to the agent's head, pulling the trigger. He spun around and shot the last man between his eyes. The walls were dripping in blood and the tile floor that had been white was now a deep scarlet.
Daxus paused to savor his moment of victory, when he heard clapping behind him.
“Bravo!" It was Sheppard. "I knew you were talented, but I had no idea the extent of your abilities!"
Daxus moved toward him, centering the red crosshairs on his forehead. "What makes you think I won't use that talent on you?" he asked.
"Truthfully?" Sheppard asked, and Daxus nodded. "Nothing."
This caught Daxus by surprise. He knew he could not leave Sheppard unharmed because he would attempt to stop Daxus from escaping, but he also could not kill him. To Daxus, there was something deeply wrong about killing a man who faced his own death fearlessly.
Daxus deliberated. What should he do? If he left the man alive, Daxus would never escape, but Daxus had a feeling that this man would play an important role in his future. Daxus learned a long time ago to always trust his gut.
"Aren't you going to kill me, too?" Sheppard asked mockingly.
"No," replied Daxus. "Not yet." At that, he stepped forward and pistol-whipped Sheppard, knocking him unconscious.
Daxus worked quickly and methodically, gathering his weapons and cleaning them on the clothing of the slain. He then opened the emergency hatch in the ceiling of the elevator car.
He pulled himself onto the roof of the car and jumped over to the dividing beam between the shafts. He dropped agilely down to the ladder below the beam and climbed down to the ground floor. He crept out the door and away from the building without further incident, as the police were still occupied with terrorizing the citizens as they searched for the President’s murderer. Smoke and debris rained down from the flaming roof of the building. He dashed down side street after side street, dodging people and debris, until he made it to the door of an old, run down building on the outskirts of the city.
Daxus opened the door and was met with the familiar sight of the Reaper emblem painted on the far wall. The emblem consisted of two crossed black scythes on a blood red background. The front of each blade was shaped into a skull. Around the bottom edge of the circle, in white letters, were the words Totus Vadum Sino Messor Abeo, All Shall Suffer the Reaper to Pass.
Daxus smiled at the truth of the Latin phrase and continued on into the safe house. A secretary was waiting for him in the lobby.
"Connors," she said, "Captain wants to see you. Now."
"It's nice to see you too, Rayne," Daxus replied as he walked toward the door to his superior's office. When he was a mere foot away, he heard a small voice behind him.
"Daxus, wait," Rayne whispered.
Daxus paused, his hand on the door knob. Would she finally speak the words he longed to hear?
Rayne froze, not even breathing for fear of professing everything she felt for him. Thoughts whirled viciously in her head. She had been about to admit that she missed him, that breaking up had been a mistake, but she couldn't find the courage to say the words. She let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding.
"Be careful," she finally said. "He looks pissed."
Daxus sighed as he opened the door and went in.
Rayne could have screamed. She had been so close. Next time, she promised herself. Next time, I will not hesitate.

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Connors was long gone by the time Special Agent Johannes Sheppard regained consciousness. He then had to suffer the embarrassment of calling the Boss to explain what had happened.
"This is Sheppard," he said into his cell. "I need to speak to the Boss."
"One moment please," replied the secretary.
Sheppard surveyed the destruction as he waited. Seven men dead, his entire team.
"She'll speak with you now," said the secretary.
"Sheppard," said the Boss, "I hope you have some good news for me."
"I'm sorry, ma’am, but no. Connors escaped."
There was silence on the other end of the line, followed by a sigh. "How bad is it?"
"Bad. Seven men down. I'm the only survivor."
"Seven men!" shouted the Boss. "I warned you. I warned you not to underestimate him. I'm sending a cleanup team to deal with this. Get back to base now so I don’t have to find another team leader to match the new team."
Sheppard was barely able to give his customary "Yes, ma’am." before there was a click on the other end of the line. The Boss was always so polite.
Only one thing bothered Sheppard about the carnage filling the elevator: that he wasn't a part of it. Why would a merciless assassin kill seven men in cold blood but leave him alive? Sheppard had been unarmed and unwilling to fight back. He needed to find out more about this man...

[gamemaster1087]

CHAPTER 2
Daxus entered the well-organized office cautiously, dropping his bag by the door. A short blond man in his late thirties was sitting behind the antique oak desk across the room, his head bent over a large stack of papers. “You wanted to see me, Captain?” Daxus said.
“Sit down, Connors,” the man replied without looking up. “Do you know why I called you in here?” he asked as Daxus sat in the hard chair in front of the desk.
“Because you wanted to congratulate me, sir?” Daxus asked comically.
“Quite the opposite, actually. What happened today, Connors?”
Daxus shifted nervously in his seat. Did Captain already know he had been captured? He decided to play it safe and not mention Agent Sheppard and the SWAT team. Instead, he said, “The mission was a total success.”
At this, Captain looked up. “Except for you being captured, that is,” he said and Daxus’s smile froze. “Oh, you were hoping I didn’t know about that, weren’t you? Well, surprise!”
“Please, sir,” Daxus said quickly, “I can explain!”
“Oh, I’m sure you can,” Captain said skeptically, “but there is really no need. I already know what happened.”
“You do?” Daxus asked, surprised.
“Yes, you broke the first rule of Reaping: Don’t stay to watch. I would expect as much from a Junior Officer, but not from you, a Senior! And what’s worse, they know your identity and have you linked to almost half of your political hits! I am extremely disappointed in you.” Captain frowned as he said the next sentence. “I expected more from my younger brother.”
Daxus’s face darkened. He knew he had disappointed his brother, something he had hoped never to do, but right then, he didn’t care. “It’s just like before,” Daxus said quietly. “It was you and your ‘expectations’ that got Rhina killed!”
Captain’s face softened at the mention of their only sister. “Daxus, no one is to blame for that. Rhina’s death was an accident.”
“That was no accident!” shouted Daxus. “You sent her on a suicide mission!”
Captain tensed. “Are you blaming me for our sister’s death?”
Daxus paused. Was he blaming Captain? It was he who had sent Rhina to her death, alone. But, then again, Captain hadn’t known about the ambush.
“No,” he finally answered, his head down in sorrow. Captain relaxed once again.
“Daxus,” Captain said gently, “Rhina is dead. We all must accept that.”
Daxus looked up, defeated. “I’m sorry, brother. I shouldn’t have blamed you.”
“It’s all right, Daxus.” Captain said. “I know that you and Rhina were close.”
Daxus had always been Rhina’s favorite brother. Captain, then called Kinzo, had been four years older than her, but Daxus was only one year younger. It was from Rhina that Daxus had learned everything he knew about Reaping.
“Enough of this reminiscing,” said Captain. “Back to business. You compromised your escape. You allowed yourself to be captured, resulting in the unnecessary deaths of seven men, and, to top it all off, you left one man alive. But, of course, you had to make your failure complete by leaving alive the one man who knows your identity, has you linked to a good portion of your hits, and personally saw you murder seven men in cold blood, not to mention the Russian President!” There was no pity in Captain’s eyes as he spoke his next words. “You must be punished.”
Daxus faced his fate fearlessly. “So what’s the verdict?” he asked, although he already knew. His identity had been revealed. He was no longer useful. He would be killed, his body burned, the ashes buried. No one would miss him. It would be like he never existed.
“The usual punishment is, of course, death,” said Captain. “However, in light of your success as an assassin, the Council has decided to spare your life.”
Daxus sighed, relieved that he would not be executed, but also nervous. What cruel punishment had the Reaper Council concocted that would equate death?
“Instead of being executed, you are to be assigned an apprentice,” Captain said. “You will be responsible for training this apprentice in our deadly arts. You will also be responsible for her mistakes.”
“Wait a second,” Daxus said quickly. “Her? Who is this apprentice?”
Captain paused and looked away. “You must understand, it was not my choice. I tried to persuade them to choose someone else but…”
“Who is it?!” Daxus interrupted, panic flashing in his eyes.
Captain looked squarely at Daxus and said, “Rayne Jackson.”
No, Daxus thought, anyone but her. His worst fear had been confirmed.
Was that what she was going to tell him? But why hadn’t she said anything? “Does she know?” Daxus said abruptly.
“No,” Captain replied cautiously, studying his brother’s face. “We haven’t told her yet.”
So that wasn’t it, then. Maybe she really was going to tell him how she felt. If only she had known how Daxus felt about her, maybe she would have said something. Or maybe Daxus was deluding himself.
“Daxus,” Captain said, correctly reading his brother’s expression, “she left you, remember?” Daxus did remember, but the memory of that day was too painful to recall.
Daxus had always prided himself on not revealing his emotions, but he had never been able to fool Captain. Even when they were children growing up in London, he could never hide his feelings from his brother.
“I’ll never understand how you can read me so easily,” Daxus said. “I could fool God himself, but never you. Why is that?”
“It’s simple, really,” Captain replied. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”
“I’ll bet that skill came in handy back when you were a Reaper,” Daxus said.
“Surprisingly, it has been of more use now that I am behind a desk.” Captain smiled has he straightened the papers in front of him. “Do you realize how much paperwork you have caused me?”
“I am sorry, brother, but there would be more if I was executed.” Daxus smiled wryly.
Captain sighed, “Touché. Now, enough of this meaningless chatter. You will begin Miss Jackson’s training tomorrow morning.”
At the mention of Rayne, Daxus’s smile faded. “What are her skills?” he asked in a businesslike tone.
“She is not a total novice,” Captain replied, also businesslike “but there is still room for improvement. She has, however, greatly excelled in Undercover Ops. She could probably teach you a thing or two.”
“Unlikely,” Daxus said, unimpressed. “What is her marksmanship like?”
“She has scored well with rifles,” he answered, “but her handgun skills leave something to be desired. I expect that you can improve them?”
“Of course. Tell her to meet me tomorrow morning at ten sharp on the firing range. Is there anything else we should focus on?”
“Yes, there is. Your hand-to-hand combat techniques are exceptionally unique. I would like you to teach her some.”
“Very well, sir. We will work on that after lunch.”
“Excellent,” Captain said, “now get out of here. I am not the only one with paperwork to do.”
Daxus rose from his seat and walked toward the door, pausing to grab his bag from the floor.
“Daxus,” Captain called, and Daxus turned to look at him. “Try not to enjoy those lessons too much.”
Daxus sighed as he left the room and Captain paged his secretary on the intercom beside his desk. “Send in Rayne Jackson, please,” he said.

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While Daxus had been in Captain’s office, Rayne had been building up her courage so that when the tall blond man emerged, she was ready. “Daxus,” she called as she strode across the room to him.
“Yes, Rayne?” Daxus replied. His tone was even and did not betray the fear that he felt at the curvy brunette’s approach. If they admitted their love now, it would only complicate things later.
“Daxus,” she repeated as she looked up at him, “I need to talk to you. It’s important.”
However, before Daxus could respond, a voice interrupted. “Miss Jackson,” said the secretary, “Captain would like to see you in his office.”
Rayne sighed, “We’ll talk later,” she said, and she walked to the door of Captain’s office.
It was Daxus’s turn to sigh. “Rayne,” he called, “be careful. He is pissed.”
She smiled at him and entered the office.
Daxus left the lobby through the door behind the receptionist’s desk and headed down a short flight of stairs. He opened the door at the bottom and entered the Reaper’s Moscow facility.

[gamemaster1087]

CHAPTER 3
The Common Room was large, but was divided into sections. There were two areas with several mismatched couches surrounding large flat-screened TVs in opposite corners of the room. One TV was turned on to Comedy Central, the other, the Discovery Channel. It was no surprise that Comedy Central had more viewers.
In the middle of the room, there was a pool table, an air hockey table, and a foosball table. The were also occupied by Reapers, many of whom were about to lose much of their substantial paychecks to better players.
The far corner of the room was occupied by another TV. This one, however, had been taken over by the gamers. It never ceased to amaze Daxus how people who killed other people for a living could come home at the end of the day and want to kill more people in a video game. The spectators cheered and cash was exchanged by several of the men.
Daxus, however, wanted no part in their camaraderie. He needed a quiet place to think, so he passed through the crowds, exchanging hellos and chatting briefly with a few of his friends, and entered the door on the West wall.
The Senior Officer’s kitchen was empty, which was unusual yet not unheard of. Daxus picked his way through the pyramids of empty beer cans, being careful not to bump them. The pyramids were there to deter any Junior Officers from trying to get in. The cans were stacked so that if one can was even lightly touched, the pyramid would topple into the next pyramid, causing a loud chain reaction that would bring the Senior Officers running and cause the Junior Officer to be mildly reprimanded. If a Junior Officer was skilled enough to navigate his way through the minefield, then most considered him worthy to use the Senior kitchen.
The task had never been difficult for Daxus and he had spent more than his fair share of time in the Senior kitchen as a Junior. Many of his friends, however, had been caught and were made to scrub the Common Room floor or clean the bathrooms, along with having to restack all the cans.
Daxus stepped carefully over the last pyramid and walked to the fridge. He passed over the top shelf, which held only beer, and grabbed a turkey and cheddar sandwich from the second shelf. He checked the crisper drawer for fruit. At first he found only red apples, but as he dug deeper, he miraculously found the last Granny Smith. Daxus hated red apples. He also grabbed a can of Pepsi from the door.
He closed the fridge and moved over to the pantry. Inside he found a huge assortment of chips. He chose Cheetos, his favorite, packed them into the messenger bag slung over his shoulder, and then went back into the Common Room. Unsurprisingly, the Discovery Channel TV had been taken over and was now playing MTV Cribs.
Daxus passed through the room and went through the East door. He walked down the corridor to the stairs at the end, passing by the dorm doors to his right and left.
Daxus climbed the stairs slowly, cautious of any pranks the Juniors may have set up to catch a Senior off guard. As he passed the first landing, several Juniors came through the door.
“Hello, Mr. Connors,” said one, and the others echoed his greeting.
“Hello, Shavers, Johnson, Rodriguez, Thomas,” he replied, naming them each in turn. “Didn’t I ask you to please just call me Daxus?”
“Sorry, Mr. Connors… oops, I mean Daxus,” stuttered Shavers.
“Thank you,” Daxus said. “How’s your marksmanship doing, Shavers?”
“Better,” the younger man replied, “thanks to you. Your tutoring really helped.”
“Excellent!” Daxus said, clearly pleased. “What about you, Johnson? How is your hand-to-hand coming along?”
“I’m doing much better, sir,” Johnson said. “It’s amazing how just shifting your weight can throw an attacker off balance!”
“Wonderful! Now, have either of you had any problems?” Daxus asked the others.
Thomas answered first. “Well, actually, yes. It doesn’t matter what I do, I can never seem to hit a bull’s-eye with my knives.”
Daxus thought for a moment, then said, “I’ve watched you throw, Thomas, and I think I can help. When you throw, you release the knife as if it were a baseball. Instead of swinging your arm out to the side, swing it over your head like you would an axe.”
Realization slowly dawned on Thomas’s face. “Of course,” he said. “Thank you very much, sir!”
“Not a problem. What about you, Rodriguez?” Daxus asked the last man.
“I can’t think of anything right now,” he replied.
“Well, if you do, don’t hesitate to let me know.”
“I will, sir. Thank you.”
The younger men continued downstairs as before, but now they were discussing Daxus’s fame as an assassin. From below him he heard one of the men say, “No way! Daxus Connors is a legend! There’s no way that he could be killed on a job!”
If you only knew how close I came today, kid, then you wouldn’t be saying that, Daxus thought. If you only knew.
Daxus shook his head as he continued upstairs to the roof.

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When Daxus reached the dark roof, he looked around carefully. As usual, no one was there. Daxus sat on the low wall surrounding the edge of the roof, swinging one leg over so his foot hung down over the street and his back was against one of the many statues surrounding the roof of the ancient building. This one was of Death, personified as a Grim Reaper. Quite fitting, Daxus thought.
He reached into his bag and removed his supper, setting the bag on the roof beside him and the food on the wall in front of him. He unwrapped the plastic from around his sandwich and began to eat. The street below was empty except for a group of teenagers tagging the building across the street from the safe house. Daxus watched them silently, wishing he could go back to the days when he and Rhina had done the same to the buildings of London. But those days were long gone and Daxus’s days as an artist had gone with them.
Daxus finished his sandwich and brushed the crumbs from his lap. When he opened his Cheetos, however, the noise startled the artists in the street below, causing them to dash away without finishing their mural. It saddened Daxus that he would never see it complete. He could tell that it would have been beautiful.
The multicolored spiral towers of the St. Basil’s Cathedral were backed by the golden glow of a breathtaking Moscow sunrise. Some people would call this vandalism, but to Daxus, it was art.
Daxus finished his chips and opened his soda, draining the can. He crumpled his trash into a ball and shot it like a basketball into the air. The ball spun as it fell, landing squarely in a garbage can across the street.
Now that he was finished eating, Daxus’s thoughts returned to the events of the day. The thing that bothered him most was not that he had mercilessly murdered eight strangers, but that he had left one alive. Daxus had never been merciful, but today he had discovered a part of himself he hadn’t know existed. He had fully intended to silence Sheppard, but upon seeing the fearlessness in the other man’s eyes, he could not bring himself to pull the trigger.
Normally, Daxus would have been ashamed. This was the only time in seventeen years of Reaping that Daxus had failed to kill. Ever since he was inducted into the Reapers when he was fifteen, Daxus had been a remorseless assassin, but even though he had failed at the only thing he had ever been good at, Daxus was not ashamed.
Actually, now that he thought about it, he was almost proud. The power to end a life had always attracted Daxus, but today he had discovered something even more fascinating: the power to save a life. This simple revelation gave Daxus a new view of the world. His subconscious no longer constantly thought about the most efficient way to kill those around him. Instead, he asked himself if they deserved to die.
A thought occurred to Daxus: Had any of his marks deserved to die?
This conundrum occupied Daxus’s mind long into the night until, finally, he fell into a shallow slumber. His dreams were haunted by white tile floors smeared with deep scarlet. He awoke several times but, being too drained to move, returned to his seemingly eternal world of punishment.
The fitful sleep lasted only a few hours and when Daxus rose from his red-tinged slumber, the Eastern sky was streaked with pale shades of pink and gold.
Daxus, chilled from the cool morning and stiff from lack of motion, sat up and stretched, surveying the city around him. The abandoned mural was still there, but had been completed during the night. Daxus had been right, it was beautiful. The painting was a perfect replica of the timeless structure.
Daxus stood up and stretched again before grabbing his bag from the roof where he had left it and shuffling sleepily into the building. He descended several silent flights of stairs and reentered the corridor he had walked down the night before. He stopped in front of the third door from the end, pulled a sliver key from his pocket, and unlocked the door before going inside.
Daxus deposited his weapons on their racks, tossed his coat on a chair across the room, and dropped his bag by the door, ignoring the mountainous stack of paperwork on his desk. He then sat on the bed as he removed his boots and socks, hung his dog tags on the bedpost beside him, and crawled between the sheets, attempting to steal a few more hours of sleep.
But Daxus could not sleep. Instead, he lay staring at the white ceiling and his thoughts drifted toward Rayne, a subject he had been avoiding the previous evening.
Daxus loved Rayne, that much was obvious, but did Rayne feel the same? The doubt was too much of a risk for Daxus to tell her how he felt, but he still imagined holding her in his arms again. It was with this image in his mind that Daxus finally fell into a deep sleep.


Chapter 4 Coming Soon!!!

[musicmc]

thats awesome kudos u

[gamemaster1087]

i just posted the first 3 chapters :D
the stupid thing wouldnt let me post it all in one post :(

[gamemaster1087]

the bit in chapter 3 about the throwing knives has been edited for accuracy and a few typos hav been fixed.

sorry that chapter 4 is taking so long but ive got so many ideas and im having trouble arranging them into a story >.<

[gamemaster1087]

ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!
CHARACTER PICS ARE HERE!!!!!

http://kingdomhearts3.org/picture.php?albumid=292&pictureid=4093

http://kingdomhearts3.org/picture.php?albumid=292&pictureid=4094

http://kingdomhearts3.org/picture.php?albumid=292&pictureid=4095

http://kingdomhearts3.org/picture.php?albumid=292&pictureid=4092

Pics were made on Yahoo Avatar Maker so they don't look exactly how I would like them to and they are missing all their weapons but this should give you a general idea of what they look like.

[Axizol]

It's pretty good, with minimal grammatical errors, good job!

Only, the idea seems somewhat like that of Assassin's Creed, and many other Assassination games that I recall. I would say the only thing about it is to be as original as possible. Keep it up! It's good! :)

[gamemaster1087]

thanks. i've never played Assassin's creed so i wouldnt know....
actually, ive never played any assassination games......
EDIT: i've just read a synopsis of Assassin's Creed and The Reaper will be nothing like that.

[wesonewee]

The first three chapters are awesome! Good work, I think I speak for all of us when I say we're waiting for the foruth chapter.

[gamemaster1087]

Alas, wesonwee, you shall not be disappointed :D
PRESENTING CHAPTERS 4, 5, and 6!!!!
(i also edited all the previous chapters)

Chapter 4

Rayne’s visit to Captain’s office had been interesting. She had expected something along the lines of new paperwork or some form of cover-up that required her help, but had instead been informed that her recent test scores had been high enough that she was now to be assigned as an apprentice to a high-ranking assassin. This assassin was to train her in the deadly art of Reaping and would accompany her on her first several hits to ensure she didn’t freeze up.
Rayne had been delighted at the news but soon a thought occurred to her. She had a sneaking suspicion of who the high-ranking assassin was going to be so when Captain told her it would be Daxus she was not as shocked as she should have been.
However, this fact was not missed by Captain and he said, “I assume you knew what I was going to say?”
“Yes, sir, I had my suspicions,” she replied coolly.
“You are very intuitive, Miss Jackson. That skill will be of much use in the field.”
Rayne was a bit surprised by the compliment but nonetheless replied with, “Thank you, sir.” She wondered briefly if Captain knew of the history between her and his brother but her wonderings were soon rendered unnecessary.
“I know that you and Daxus have a sort of romantic history,” Captain said, “but this is an official assignment. You are both professionals and I expect you to act as such.”
“Yes, sir,” replied Rayne, “of course. I will do my best to ensure there are no problems.”
“Excellent!” Captain replied, “But it’s not you I’m worried about.” This last part was whispered and Rayne was not sure that Captain had said it at all. She decided not to risk asking.
Instead, she asked, “Is there anything else I should know, sir?”
“Yes. You are to meet Mr. Connors at ten o’clock sharp tomorrow morning on the Firing Range. That is all.”
“Yes, sir,” Rayne said and got up slowly to leave. She dared not ask what was truly on her mind, but Captain was particularly perceptive.
“Is something wrong, Miss Jackson?” he asked, mildly amused.
“I was just wondering,” she said timidly, “did Daxus volunteer for this?”
“No,” replied Captain, “he did not. This assignment was given to him as a punishment by the Reaper Council.”
“Thank you, sir,” Rayne said as she promptly turned and left. So Daxus hadn’t wanted her after all. He had been forced into it.
Rayne left the office and looked around the lobby quickly, ensuring that Daxus had not stayed, before quickly passing by the receptionist’s desk. The receptionist gave her a confused look when she saw the agonized look on Rayne’s face but Rayne quickly stopped the flow of questions with, “Later, Madelyn,” before she rushed through the door to the stairs.
Tears threatened to spill over as Rayne practically ran down the stairs and through the door to the Common Room. She did not hesitate once inside and walked briskly to the door on the East wall, ignoring any who sought to stop her. Thankfully, no one was in the hallway on the other side so Rayne cried freely as she went to her dormitory door and struggled to see the lock through the tears. Finally she managed to open the door. She entered quickly, slamming the door behind her, before collapsing to the floor in a fit of stinging tears.
Rayne didn’t know how long she sat there, crying, before she finally crawled over to her bed and collapsed on top of the blankets. It was not long after that when she heard a soft knock on her door.
“Rayne? My shift just ended and I thought we could go get something to eat.” Madelyn called as she opened the door a crack. “Rayne, are you all right?”
Rayne did not respond so Madelyn opened the door wider and, upon seeing the crumpled, weeping figure curled up on the bed, came quickly inside and closed the door behind her.
“Rayne, what’s wrong?” Madelyn asked, her voice gentle beneath her heavy French accent.
Rayne simply shook her head and buried her face deeper into her already tear-stained pillow.
Madelyn was at a loss for words. Instead, she pulled Rayne up and looked squarely into the younger girl’s eyes. Rayne still did not speak but instead threw her arms around Madelyn and cried into her friend’s shoulder. Madelyn had never seen Rayne act like this. What had happened in Captain’s office? A terrible thought occurred to Madelyn.
“Rayne,” she said cautiously, “did Captain do something to you?”
“No, no,” Rayne finally answered, her voice strained from the crying. “It’s not like that at all.”
Madelyn looked even more confused than before, so Rayne took a deep breath and told her everything that had happened since Daxus had returned that evening.
The two sat on Rayne’s bed in silence, as Rayne had finally managed to stop crying, and reflected on the events of the evening. “So what’s the problem, then? I would think you would be happy to be able to work with Daxus,” Madelyn said.
“Normally I would be but Madelyn, he was assigned to me!” The last few words came out as almost a whine and tears brimmed in Rayne’s eyes once again. “He doesn’t want me,” she said quietly.
“Now, now, Rayne. You don’t know that for sure!” Madelyn said. “Maybe he’s excited to be able to work with you!”
“I don’t know, Madelyn. I just don’t know.” By now it was past midnight, and Rayne yawned wide.
“You need some sleep,” Madelyn said as she rose to leave. “If you need me, you have my number. Goodnight, Rayne.”
Rayne stood up and gave her friend a hug. “Thanks. Thanks a lot. I don’t know if I would have made it without you.”
“What are friends for?” Madelyn smiled. “Now, get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight!” she said as she left.
Rayne locked the door behind her friend and went to her closet. Inside she found the stuffed golden lion Daxus had given her for her birthday. Even after she and Daxus had broken up, she could never bring herself to get rid of it. She carried it over to her bed and sat down. She kicked off her shoes and changed into her pink and white polka dot pajamas before crawling under the blanket. She cuddled up with the lion and tried to sleep.
However, she could not get Daxus out of her mind. It had been such a trivial thing that had caused the end to their relationship. Daxus had missed another date because of a job, but it was not this that had finally been the breaking point for Rayne. She had sat in that restaurant for two hours waiting for him. She knew he might be late because of work, but had not expected him to be that late. He had finally showed just as the restaurant was closing and Rayne was leaving.
Upon seeing him, a previously unimaginable anger swept over her. Why, in two hours, had he not thought to call and tell her he would be late to her birthday dinner? Did she really matter that little to him? The ensuing verbal battle drew eyes from the crowd but neither opponent cared. The ending resulted in The Breakup, as she and Madelyn liked to call it, and Rayne and Daxus had spoken little since.
That night had been much like this one, with Rayne crying and Madelyn trying vainly to console her. But tonight was different. Tonight Rayne would sleep with a clear conscience that she had done everything to mend the relationship when it had mattered. Now that they would be working together, a relationship was forbidden, both by Captain and the Reaper Council.
Tomorrow, Rayne would face Daxus fearlessly and not dwell on their past but instead focus on her future. She had an opportunity to become a Reaper and nothing, not even love, would stand in her way. However, she could not bring herself to push the stuffed lion away. One last night of comfort can’t hurt, she thought as she cuddled up to the lion and fell fast asleep.

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Sheppard stared at the computer screen. In front of him was everything he could find about Daxus Connors and the Reapers, which was not much. He had mostly found the death records of prominent citizens of many nationalities who had been assassinated. All of them had connections to the Reapers. The most monumental of which was the death of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary whose assassination had ignited the First World War. The second file he had unearthed was considerably newer. It blamed the Reapers for the death of US President John F. Kennedy.
It was no surprise to Sheppard that the Reapers were wrapped up in such scandalous affairs. However, he could find very little on Connors himself. Sheppard had been bluffing in the elevator. He would have a hard enough time linking Connors to his family, let alone any assassinations.
What Sheppard did find was a birth record. It gave the name of Connors’s mother, but the father’s name was not recorded. However, by crosschecking the mother’s name, he was able to find a marriage certificate and two other birth certificates of children born to the same woman: Connors’s siblings. According to the records, Connors had two older siblings: a brother named Kinzo and a sister named Rhina. Their mother’s name was Alexandra.
Connors had attended Grammar School in London but had vanished from records after his fifteenth birthday. His record held a few minor transgressions including vandalism and theft, but nothing major.
All in all, Sheppard had found nothing terribly useful. He was disappointed but not discouraged. He had thought of asking the Boss why she was so interested in him, but thought better of it after meeting with her upon his return. She had been very agitated and questioning her motives would only have ended up in Sheppard being thrown from her office, most likely literally.
One thing still bothered Sheppard: Why had Connors left him alive? Was he the sort of man who would leave a condemned man alive as long as possible just to watch him become more and more paranoid until he ultimately brought about his own downfall? Or was Connors just going to taunt him before he killed him? Could there possibly be some humanity left in the cold-blooded killer? Sheppard did not know the answer to any of these questions but he aimed to find out.

[gamemaster1087]

Chapter 5

Rayne awoke the next morning in a considerably more cheerful mood than she had been in the night before. She felt well rested, despite how late she had stayed up. However, upon seeing the clock on her nightstand, she flew out of bed and began rushing around her room searching desperately for something professional to wear. The clock read 9:52 and she was supposed to be at the firing range at ten o’clock sharp.
I’ll have to skip breakfast, she thought as she emerged from her dormitory and rushed down the hallway toward the stairs. She ran through the door and down the stairs to the basement. It was her first day of official Reaper training, and she was going to be late!

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Daxus’s morning had been considerably less eventful. He also awoke late but was early enough to watch Rayne rush through the door of the Firing Range, five minutes late. An amused smile played across his lips but was quickly disguised as a frown of disapproval. If she couldn’t even show up on time, then she obviously wasn’t eager to see Daxus. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself.
“Jackson,” Daxus said harshly, “you’re late!”
“I’m sorry, sir,” Rayne stuttered, “but I…”
“Save your excuses for someone who cares,” he interrupted. Rayne’s hurt expression sent a pang of guilt through Daxus, but he knew he had to treat her as he would any other Junior. If he went too easy on her, she wouldn’t be ready when it counted. He also couldn’t bear the thought of having her fall in love with him again. He knew that they couldn’t be together, even if she didn’t.
“My apologies, sir,” Rayne said formally.
“Apology noted,” Daxus said, his formality tenfold. “As punishment for your late arrival, you will be assigned extra cleaning duties tonight. Failure to complete them or further tardiness will result in more severe punishments.” Alarm flashed briefly over Rayne’s smooth features before being quickly replaced with determination.
“It will not happen again,” Rayne replied coolly, though she doubted Daxus could come up with anything too severe.
No, stop thinking like that! she thought. Just because we had something in the past doesn’t mean he will go any easier on me now! He’s not the man I once knew.
Daxus could have stood there all day, staring at her gracefully curving body, but he shook himself mentally and remembered why he was there. “Let’s get started then, shall we?” he said, more to himself than Rayne. He walked over to the supply desk and ordered an assortment of handguns and rifles. “I’ve been told,” Daxus said as he handed her a rifle, “that you are proficient with a rifle, but I must verify this for myself. If you could please step onto the field, we will begin.”
Rayne followed Daxus into the bulletproof room and took her stance behind the barrier. Daxus pushed a large red button on the wall and several human shaped targets dropped down from the ceiling. Some were stationary and others moved side to side.
Daxus stepped up beside Rayne. “Eliminate all of your targets in the least amount of time possible while using the least amount of ammunition possible. You may begin.”
Rayne’s accuracy was astounding. She fired only one bullet per target and each hit within the small white circle that indicated where a real human’s heart would be. The test was over within a minute.
“Impressive,” Daxus said, attempting to disguise his amazement. “Very impressive. Let’s try another,” He handed her another, larger caliber rifle and pressed the red button again.
Rayne missed the first shot entirely, as she was not expecting the recoil. However, after that she did considerably well. Daxus watched in amusement, deciding how best to advise her.
“Tell me, Jackson,” Daxus said demeaningly, “have you never fired a higher caliber weapon? That was the most pitiful display I have ever seen! Always brace for ten times the recoil you expect! Now, try it again,” he said as he again pushed the button.
Rayne’s performance this round was considerably better and the morning progressed with more tests of her ability. Occasionally he would correct her stance but mostly he kept his distance. Daxus is being particularly thorough, she thought as he yet again pushed the red button.

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Several hours later, Rayne was beginning to wish she hadn’t skipped breakfast. It was approaching lunch and Daxus showed no signs of stopping the torrent of bullets. In fact, he seemed almost determined to keep her from lunch.
Only after a particularly loud growl issued from Rayne’s stomach did Daxus finally call a halt to the onslaught. “I believe we have learned a valuable lesson here, Jackson. A Reaper never knows how a job will go. Therefore, he, or in this case, she, also does not know the next time she will be able to eat. I advise you to never skip a meal again.” With that said, Daxus collected the weapons that were scattered around the room and returned them to the supply desk. He then returned to the field and said, “I expect you in the Close Combat room in one hour. Do not be late.”
Rayne could have screamed as she watched the tall blond man walk calmly through the door and up the stairs. Was he determined to make this as difficult as possible? She decided not to dwell on it and followed Daxus out the door and upstairs.
However, when she reached the dormitory hallway, Daxus was no where to be found. Maybe he’s already in the Common Room, she thought as she entered the room. Daxus was not here either, but again Rayne decided not to dwell on him. She walked across the room and entered the Junior Kitchen.

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Daxus had run up the stairs as soon as he was out of Rayne’s view. He had passed by the dormitory hall and continued climbing. The roof had become sort of a private place to think, so it was here he went. He paced restlessly and tried to sort out the thoughts whirling in his head.
Why had the Council chosen this punishment instead of death? Had they known of Daxus and Rayne’s history and sought to use Daxus’s own feelings against him? Did Captain have something to do with them choosing Rayne as his apprentice?
In any case, Daxus was not sure that he could handle Hand-to-Hand combat with Rayne. Being so close to her would only push his control to the breaking point. It had been hard enough that morning, when he was several feet away. Every time he got close to her he remembered how sweet her soft lips tasted, and how he longed to refresh his memory.
“No!” Daxus said aloud, pulling himself out of his fantasies. He couldn’t let himself be affected by her. There was only one solution: He couldn’t put himself in a position that would compromise his control. He couldn’t get too close to Rayne. But how was he supposed to stay away from her when he was supposed to be training her?
He couldn’t call off the practice. She would see right through that, and she wouldn’t be alone. Captain and the Reaper Council would see it as a weakness and exploit it. He also couldn’t train her himself, but no one had said he couldn’t have help.

[gamemaster1087]

Chapter 6
(sorry, its kinda short)

Rayne had been waiting for about five minutes when Daxus finally strolled into the Close Combat room. She had been intending on making a smart remark but she stopped short when she saw that Daxus was not alone. A short, dark haired man followed Daxus into the room but did not approach Rayne. Instead, he leaned leisurely against the wall and waited for further instruction. Rayne had seen this man before. He was a Junior named Matt or Mike or something of that sort. Rayne had never taken the time to get to know him but it seemed that Daxus had other ideas.
“I apologize for my lateness, Miss Jackson, but I had to collect our third participant,” Daxus said as he turned toward the man leaning against the wall. “Jackson, meet your new sparring partner. This is Junior Officer Mark Johnson and he will be assisting me with your lessons.” Johnson nodded a hello to Rayne and she responded with the same.
What is he up to? Rayne wondered to herself. Captain never said anything about a third participant.
“We will begin by testing your self-defense skills,” Daxus said, interrupting Rayne’s thoughts. “Mark, please step to the center of the mat. You will be attacking Miss Jackson.” Johnson looked surprised by this but did as instructed. Daxus then said, “Your goal is to immobilize her. Jackson, you are to attempt to throw off your attacker and immobilize him. You may begin.”
Johnson feinted left and Rayne moved to intercept him but was fooled when he rushed right and ended up behind her. He knocked her legs out from under her and pinned her to the mat.
Daxus applauded. “Excellent Jackson, if you’re trying to get captured, that is! Get up! Do it again! This time, watch for the feints!”
The afternoon progressed as such. Each time, Johnson would invent some new way to outsmart Rayne and, each time, she would fall for it. Just as she thought she had found a weak spot in his defense, Johnson would close the trap that she had fallen so easily into. Afternoon changed into evening and Rayne’s head was a blur of fighting, hitting the mat, and Daxus’s insults.
Finally, after hours of failure, Rayne succeeded in pinning Johnson. For once, Daxus had no insults or demeaning remarks for her. Instead, he simply said, “Thank you for your help today, Mark. If you could please meet us here at the same time tomorrow and every day after until further notice I would greatly appreciate it.”
“Yes, sir,” Johnson said. “I am happy to help.” He then nodded to Rayne and left the room.
“Jackson,” Daxus said without looking at her, “Be at the Firing Range at ten sharp tomorrow morning. You are dismissed. Oh, and don’t forget about those extra cleaning duties.” He then walked calmly out the door, closing it behind him.
Rayne was struck speechless. She couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t even look at her! Tears welled up in her eyes and were about to spill over when Rayne remembered why she was there.
No! she thought as she shook her head to clear it. This isn’t about him. This is about me! She squared her shoulders and walked out of the room with her head held high.
Now, to ruin my manicure, she thought.

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A short blond man sitting at an antique oak desk flipped off the security monitor in front of him. He had just finished watching quite a show of determination by a curvy young brunette, though it was not the show he had hoped for. He had thought he would be watching the ultimate downfall of his cocky, overrated, imbecilic younger brother but instead had yet again been outsmarted. Perhaps there was some intelligence behind those ice blue eyes after all.
I’ll have to try a more subtle approach, the man thought.


And you thought you were anxious for Chapter 4! how do you feel now???? :D:D:D:D:D

[gamemaster1087]

sorry bout chapter 7 but its on its way.......