Burn.

[lonbilly]

The sensation was so great, and continued to increased and intensify. Marks; great, big, deformed red marks covered my skin. My head was throbbing, and I struggled to find comfort in the bed I was strapped to. I gripped the mattress of the bed and its sheet relentlessly through the pain to try to move.

Why? All my life I wanted to be noticed, to be recognized for something great. But now, I wished I could have relived the day. I regretted saving his life. He may have only been a child, but I was still young myself. My life was nowhere near its prime, there was still so much left for me to do, things to learn, people to meet, and what I experienced so far wasn’t nearly worth enjoying as my future could have been. The child stole the rest of my life, that is, if there was any left for me. I couldn’t be happy, especially since the child was still alive and void of scratches or burns.

I hated the child. I hated everyone who was healthy and able to live their own lives without consequences. Maybe I’m sick in the head, or maybe I’ve finally gone mad; but for the first time in my life, I wanted to destroy the whole and everyone on it. Those who were ungrateful for what they had, or those who just lived like I used to, selfish.

Nothing in the world was right the way it was. Filthy, disgusting; this place was rotting with all the horrible people. I despised them all, and wanted them to fade, banished, destroyed, dying, dead like me. Gone.

-----------

I just wrote this as.... a.... actually, I dunno.
Maybe part of a short story?
I really only used it for mye applications for
Creative Writing in HS....
Anyway, yeah... tell me what ya think...

[Yoyocool]

That's so sad but it made me think. First off; I don't think what you wrote qualifies as a short story but it's touching none the less and second; I always thought that i would sooner disregard my life to save a child. But the thought above would suck. I rather have died in honor rather than live in such a manner. Yet; i think i would a million times would choose to save a child and give up my life. Even if the outcome meant a slow and painful life thats is no better than death.

Other than that, it was well written and i could see it as final words someone would scrawl down for a person to pick up to read. Overall, it was very creative and great job on execution. I see no need for further proofreading and that says a lot. I seen some of the other members of the writing team make a occasional error or two. But your current work is flawless.

If I may, i recommend you apply for the writing team. There may be a spot still open and i'm pretty sure with your writing ability you can easily make the team. We could sure use the help and i promise it will be well worth your time but i digress.

I enjoyed your piece very much and i look forward to whatever new stories you come up with.

Sincerely,

Yoyocool of the Writing Team.

[Misuzu]

I enjoyed it, despite the obvious tradgecy involved. It's almost like he is portraying what might go through perhaps someone else who has gone through the same thing. I'm sure those are the thoughts that run through at least half of their minds. Like the rummage of emotions that are in their heads, this is a string of anger. It puts things in a different perspective, out of the ordinary through this.

I liked the consistent imagery, it was almost as if it were a movie being played in my head. I do wish it were longer, by all means. I dont exactly know how you could have added on, but I suppose that is what your imagination is for, no?

I have to disagree with Yoyocool, though. Not all short stories have to be long. I've seen many that looked the same as this.

But overall, great job.

[Yoyocool]

I have to disagree with Yoyocool, though. Not all short stories have to be long. I've seen many that looked the same as this.

But overall, great job.

Yeah your probably right. I was thinking at the time of book anthologies for some reason that feature short stories. I was thinking it had too few words to be consider for it.

But yeah, it's a good short story none the less.