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King-Mickey
08-22-2009, 02:33 AM
Everyone, its been awhile i've wanted to post my writing on the forums for advice and thoughts. Being an emotional day for me today, i have decided im going to start posting some of my stories and lyrics as i love writing. I hope i can get some nice replies for my first one here. Thanks =)

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The Open Water

Passion, exhaustion, misery and my loss of fate has all captured the power of my very essance. Lost in the the world, i travel across the shores searching for something... or something to guide me in life. Sitting on the sandy grounds, watching the Sunset travel down below the earth. It is so calm. The waters, the creatures, the beginning of the beautiful night sky. It makes me feel a certain way. Maybe it will guide me back home, well wherever home is. Perhaps, just perhaps it will give me a home. Legs crossed, hands warm, watching the wind blow my hair through my scalp. I want to believe that out there in the open waters, the peace will come to me and create a thought that makes me feel like i belong, in life, in the world... It's been months on my own without someone to care for me, or someone to hold my hand as we draw the large heart in the glowing sand. I miss having her in my arms, wishing she wouldn't stop crying about who she is, or perhaps she has become. I watched her tears fall down my shirt and her emotions were nothing but lost sorrow. It made my heart pump so fast i could merely do anything for her. I just sit here, now alone staring across the open waters, feeling lost and far away without my love. She meant the world to me, she was the world to me... This pain... What is it? They said he protected us. But what about her. She cried in my arms and i never wished to let her go. It's not fair for what the world did to her. Her bruises and scars, scattered on her body. I wish to take my betrayel, but i am no monster. For her, i will not let this pain get to me. Maybe me and her both will find our ways again. I hope she looks down at me, understanding the emotions i had for my love. Because i know as i stare across the calm, open water, i think of her every second. Passion, exhaustion and misery.

Rejected Oblivion
08-22-2009, 03:26 AM
This is very well written. All sorts of bits and pieces that needed to be put together in order to figure out the storyline. The "I hope she looks down at me, understanding the emotions i had for my love" I didn't think much of, but like you were short or something lol. Though it made sense when you explained that she had died. The depth that is conveyed with the emotions is excellent. You can truly feel the sadness mixing with the anger. It also plays the role of time and shows how the open water is a memory of her love, the calmness of the waves and how they all flow and mix together, much like your tears and hers. Sad, but a great story no less. Very very well written.

King-Mickey
08-22-2009, 03:44 AM
Thanks for the awesome reply Paul. I really put alot into writing it with the emotion that is involved with it. This is a piece of writing that acts like it happened in real life. I wanted the man to use his location of where the"event" happened as the man idea of what hes tryign to say.

Thanks again! Hope i hear from more.

Sora's Shadow
08-22-2009, 04:12 AM
:off:

Wowo. Its great. The emotions....

Lordy. Im like. Wow. Its just. Wow.

King-Mickey
08-22-2009, 11:36 PM
Oh didnt realize you postsed SS. Thanks man, much appreciated :)