Does this sound right?

[takingbackheaven]

I wrote this a few nights ago, but I just don't think it flows right. Any ideas on how to better it, or am I going insane?

Memories may be part of the past, but they don’t fade away.
Did you expect them to become compost, wither, and decay?
Our memories make up our personality – Who we are,
And if we erased our memories, it would be like removing a scar.
Would it be amnesia of the soul?
Would it ooze out and inhale us whole?
Would it cause us to be something we’re not?
Would we lose our minds – Become a robot?
We may want to forget dark memories of the past,
But it’s memories like them that will help us last.

[Miss Lockheart]

Would it be amnesia of the soul?
Would it ooze out and inhale us whole?
Would it cause us to be something we’re not?

This part works very well, keep it as it is

I think the reason the other parts don't really gel is because you've thought of some very good and very powerful imagery but then not quite set it right within the piece. The images are stark and kinda stand out, rather than blending with the rest of the words. I see you've stuck to using rhyme too and that can make it very difficult.

My suggestion would be to try and either choose some slightly less impacted imagery that you can fit to rhyme, or if you really don't want to do that then position them a bit differently within the piece.

Very good start though, has great potential ^^

[takingbackheaven]

Thanks for the critique. I cut it down a tad, because I was going for rhyme and rhythm mostly. It sounds better now, and it's easier to say.