Roxas and Sliver the Hedgehog Story

[Roxas 1994]

"Where am I?" Roxas said to himself. Roxas was just floating in Darkness. No niose, no people. It was just him and it was quite. "Roxas the keblade's nobody a world needs help?" A voice said. "Who are you, and how do you now my name?" Roxas asked." How could I not know the keyblades chosen one." The voice answered. "Fine then. So what did you say about me saving a world?" Roxas asked. "A world will be consumed with darkness if you don't help." the voice said. "A world will be consumed with darkness? I dont know, I'm not Sora." Roxas said questioning himself. "No you're own person. But the world is in danger. If you don't do it I'll understand." The voice said. Then there was nothing but silence. "I'll do it!" Roxas said. "Thank you Roxas. I'm very greatful." The voice said. then a white portal opened up and Roxas flew inside. Then seconds later Roxas fell to the floor. When he looked up he saw a white hedgehog. "Where did you come from?" the white hedgehog said. "I came from.... Wait a minute you can talk?" Roxas said in shock. "Yeah and so can you. So what is your name?" the white hedgehog said. "Im Roxas. Whats yours?" Roxas asked. "Silver the Hedgehog." Silver answered


Please comment and I'll write more

[Binky]

There are good and bad points:

Bad (it always comes first) :
Your spelling and grammer are off

Good points: I like how you put Roxas as the main character and how you chose a Hedgehog. Its different and I like it, very creative. You should definatley continue writing it.

[Roxas 1994]

here's a picture of Silver the Hedgehog for those who have not played Sonic The Hedgehog for the XBOX 360

http://xbox360media.ign.com/xbox360/image/article/735/735501/sonic-the-hedgehog-20060926021643374-000.jpg

[Darkwatch]

Bad (from JUST skimming the minor story): Grammar, spelling and punctuation. Be sure to add apostrophe's and comma's where needed. Also, whenever a new person speaks it's always good to skip down a line or two to identify organization in the total story. ALWAYS remember, because it seems you have trouble here, 'you're' is a short word for 'you are'. 'Your' is a direct placement. Make sure you remember that.

Goods: You're doing fairly well with story construction so far. I'd suggest researching and making your storys MUCH more deep next time.

[Roxas 1994]

I'll work on my grammer and that other stuff. The was in my head for a long time. This was just that I would'nt forget it the story lie and what the characters would say. And don't worry it will go much deeper in later in the story. I could'nt make it that deep in the begining.