The Magician's Realm.

[Arashix]

This is a book idea I thought of for a little while. It's about a boy named Matthias and a djinni(Geinie) named Daron. Basicly Matthias is a magican apprentice who needs a partner. So he chooses Daron. I haven't thought it all the way through so i'll post it here, any commets please share. P.s I might type more latter. Oh and I typed up a newer version of this on the third page.
Book one: The seal of Osiris
Chapter one: Daron
The temperature of the room steadaly decreased. Ice started to form on the windows on the far side of the room. It was dark due to the fact that the lights were out. The only source of light was a couple candels used for the summoning throwing the room in a dark shadow. I was standing in a large summoning cirlce in the middel of the bedroom. I was in the shape of a giant wolf with bluish-gray hair. I had long teeth and large claws (for dramatic effect). I looked across the room to the other summoning cirlce. There was the person who had undoubidly summoned me. He was a short weedy kid with semi-long brown hair and brown eyes. He was shivereing from either fear of the cold. His breath rose in little rythmic clouds. To scare the kid further I adopted the most terrifing and booming voice I could think of. "Who dares summon me Daron of the Djinnis?"
The boy stayed silent he was still shivering I let the room warm up a little. Beads of cold sweat was dripping form his face. Then at last he found the power to speak. It was in a squeaky high-pitched voice much like a mouse's would be like if it could talk. "Me Matthias, i'm..." I finished the sentence for him." A magician's apprentice." It wasn't hard to figure out. The room told everything, there was a small bed against one wall, a desk filled with pappers and opean books alittle ways away from that. A bookself piled high with boxes, and a small wardrobe for clothes. Then there was the fact that the boy couldn't be old enough to be a full-flege magician. You had to 15 I think and he didn't look any older than 12. I decided to ask anyway just to make shure. "Hey kid who old are you any?" I seemed to have hit a nerve with the word "kid" I could see a small vein throbbing in his head. "I told you my name is Matthias, I don't like being called "kid". And if you must know i'm 12."
The wolf picked it's teeth with one of it's claws. Yep he was an apprentice all right. And like others he'll need a familliar. A partner so to speack, no doubt that's why he summoned me. My thoughts were confermed by what Matthias said next. "I summoned you becasuse I need a familiar..." Yeah it was always the same thing with these apprentices. I had to have heard that line 150 times over the last 100years alone. However I always liked to test the young magicians first. The wolf sat back eyeing it's claws and deciding one was to long began to nip at it. "I don't know Matthias." I said still busy."How do I know your master didn't summon me for you? How do I know he's not hiding in the closet?" This was a downright lie and I knew it, but it was one of my favorite test, just to see how they react. Matthias pulled something from the poket of the hooded sweatshirt he was wearing. I reconized it intently as a recoranda crystal.
The're like a video camera for magicians. It can record anything within a 10ft peramiter, i've seen them many times (especialy in Britian). He tossed it to me and said the neccicary incantation. The crystal glowed and a scene formed inside. Matthias was drawing the circels with careful precission, he stood in one and said the summoning incantaion. A slight pause as yours truley entered the scene. The crystal whent dark there and I threw it back to him."Good work on that Matthias, impressive." This was true not many apprentices can summon a lvl5 djinni. He cought the crystal and put it back in his pocket a smug look on his face like he just won a mariton. "So do we have a deal then?"

[DestinyHolder]

thats realy good,got alot of tension in it lol I wanna know more now

[Arashix]

I may type in more of the book if people like it. If not i'm not going to bother. Sorry to all of those who like it if this doesn't make it.....

[Namine]

Really good! *Waits for chapter two*^_^

[Arashix]

(Daron continued)

The wolf went back to picking his teeth. It was hard, I didn't realy like that smug face he was wearing now, but I was bored to tears doing nothing all the time. I shurged my shuldores "Why not, I guess i'll give it a try." Like I said I was bored and I had a feeling being with this kid was a good way to have fun. Besides by the look of the kid you could use a power guy like me around. Now don't go making any funny ideas I liked the kid (You humans are alyaws so predictable) I just wanted to have some fun again. I made a scroll apear in mid air. It was a decent sized scrool and it was nicely decerated with gold trimming. I gave it to the boy."Standred contract." I said having done this at least a thousand times. "Sighn it at the bottom and i'm all yours." The boy took the scrool and a pen out of a desk drawer. He sighned at the bottom and I took the scroll back. It dissapeared again with a resonding hiisss. "Well now we're offically partners." The boy looked relived and happy at the same time. Then another question poped up in my mind. "Hey Matthias were are we anyway." The kid looked at me like I was stupid. "America, New York state to be spacific." Ah, America I haven't been there since the Revolution.
Then he stepted in the summoning circel and said the dissmissal. I was gone in a puff of smoke. I left a little scent of sulfur and brimstone. Just to remind him who he was dealing with.

Okay that's the end of chapter one.

[DestinyHolder]

That was great,alot of detail too lol

[Arashix]

Thanks fo your support! Anyone whant Chapter 2??

[Shadow in the shadow]

Thats good. Ill take a look at CH 2

[Wzrdto25]

it sounds like the series "On The Divide" the second and third books have to do with Genies
and i dont know it sounds like you just typped the book here and changed the names. Im sorry

[Arashix]

Realy because i've never heard of that book....

[Namine]

Thanks fo your support! Anyone whant Chapter 2??

I definetly want chapter two!!^_^

[Arashix]

This will probably be the last chapter i'll post(maybe not). Like I said before this was just an uncut version, and I didn't realy get the story line down. anyway here's chapter two enjoy!
<(^-^)>

Chapter 2:

The door opened to the dark meeting room. It was full of people dressed in dark robes of multipule colors. They all had big hoods casting their faces in shadow and a silver star on the hoods. They were seated in leather chairs around a rectangular tabel. The curtans were drawn so no one would suspect anything. The man who walked in was wearing a dark navy cloak however his had a gold star marking him as the leader. He walked in the room and took a seat at the head of the tabel in a selightly bigger chair than the rest.
"So glad you could all make it." He said in a cold deep voice that was like ice. He continued, "I'm sure you all no what tonights meeting is about." There was a small murmer of agreement from the others. The man at the front spoke agian it looked like he smiled but his hood hid his face. " Tonight is the night we put our plan into action." Another round of agreement but with an excited flare. For months they have been making a plan to wipe out the magicians. Well not all magicians for they were magicians themselves. They just whanted there enemys and rivals out of the way. Most also whant powerfull magicians gone so they themselves could take places of power. Then one of the newer people stood up. "Umm..Sir?" The man at the front turned to look at him or at least that's what it looked like. "I-I'm kind of new here can you go over the plan?" The man stood up and and let out a little cruel chuckel.
"Our plan is veary simple." He said walking around the long rectangular tabel. "Our plan is to resurect an extreamly powerful entity named Seth." He paused looking for a reaction. Some of the members shuddered. Seth was extreamly powerful ulmost unstoppible. However most people thought Seth was a myth a fairytale, but the people at the tabel knew he was real.
"We will take controll over him using the keystones. They're one of the only things that can effect Seth. Than we will use his powers to crush our enimeis! The magicians!"
They're was a trumaltuos aplause and cheering following this last statment. With the cheers still going strong the man sat back down, he knew the fatal flaw of the plan and needed to put a stop to it. That was the first thing on the to do list. Then they could carry out their plans. He chuckeld to himself wondering if any of his followers here could spot the problem. He cared not, what will it matter if they knew what the flaw was? It made him chuckel even more thinking of what was going to be after their plan was finished. A world without magicians, it made him smile.

Sorry if it's alittle short...not much to wright. Oh and sorry for the spelling mistakes..

[Wzrdto25]

its good but it still reminds me of the other book
im sorry if thats mean
i liked the book though.

[Arashix]

It's okay like I said it's not my final copy. I still have to tie up a few loose ends and change a couple of things here and there. Thanks for your support anyway.

[DestinyHolder]

Thats great,I'm realy getting onto this story and I realy wanna know whats going on with that weird group lol

[Arashix]

Heh heh, glad to see you like. I kind of had a few ideas about the book so I might wright a newer version when I get it all down.
Here are some of my new ideas..

1) A person has a sort of alter-ego called an Animus. There are 4 types or classes of Animus, imps, golems, djinni, and demons.(weakest to strongest)

2) Magicians are peolpe who have strange powers (kind of like superpowers or something). They are seen as dangerous and troublemakers by some.

[Destiny Guard]

I really like the story Ash ... yea it does remind me of other things ( so do a lot of other books ) but it's awesome! keepo going ...

[Arashix]

Well i'm not sure if i'll keep up this versin (sorry if there's any dissapointment).... Here's what i'll do, as soon as I get things strightened out with the book i'll type up a newer version. Then I'll continue with the version you guys liked the best. That sound fair?

[Destiny Guard]

Sounds Good! and you can send me the rough draft to proof if u want ... lol

[Arashix]

Lol i'll right it on my computer instead of right here so it automaticly proofs. But i'll send you a copy anyway if you whant.

[Destiny Guard]

Lol i'll right it on my computer instead of right here so it automaticly proofs. But i'll send you a copy anyway if you whant.

Awesome ... !!!

lmao ... when you get far in it ...

[Arashix]

Okay I will.

[Destiny Guard]

What are you going to do with the story ...??

[Arashix]

Oh nothing to big i'm just changing a couple of things like the magical creatures but the main storyline will be the same. You'll see when I send you a copy in a coule of days.(Yes it might take that long but hopefully it will be worth the wait.)

[Destiny Guard]

Alright ... Awesomeness!:cool:

[Arashix]

This is what I got for chapter one for the revised version so far. What do you think?

Chapter one (V.2); Matthias

The hallway was dark and empty it had white walls, along which were five tall windows. There was also a long thin red carpet running along the length of the hall’s hard marble floor. At either end of the hall was a big wood door one was made of oak and had plain handles this door led to the common room of the building. A big room with a red carpet, and several red armchairs seated around a big fireplace. The other one was more glamorous it was made of hickory wood and had golden knockers this one led to the leaders study. Suddenly the oak door burst opened and a man in a dark green cloak and his Animus a small bat perched on his right shoulder. The man’s cloak had a silver star on the hood and the back. The cloaked man walked briskly through the hall and stopped at the other door on the other side. He apprehensively grabbed one of the golden knockers and banged. It echoed through the hall and probably into the next rooms. A loud cooled voice came form the room behind the hickory door.
“Come in then.” The voice was cold and sounded urgent. The door swung open and the green cloaked man walked in. It was a big room; rectangular in shape it had two high windows like those in the hallway. I also had a marble floor that would be slippery when you washed it. At the far end of it was a big throne-like chair. In the chair was a foreboding figure that was wearing a black robe with a gold star on the hood. His animus was in the form of a giant serpent at the time
“I trust you have the news on the new raid?” He sounded interested and dangerous at the same time with his cold voice sending shivers down the other man’s spine. The other man spoke a timidly in a high squeak not unlike a mouse’s.
“Y-yes sir I have…” The frightened man paused looking at the dark figure.
“And.....?”
“I’m s-sorry sir it was unsuccessful we didn’t find what we were looking for.” The dark figure sat up his hand to his chin.
“Well I guess we should just move to a new location……” The other man looked relieved the figure must be in a good mood to take news of a failed raid so well. “Yes sir I will begin preparations immediately” And with that he bowed and left the room walking back to the common room his bat animus flying around his head. The figure got out of the throne-like chair and looked at on of the huge windows his hand resting gently on the window sill. His serpent Animus winding its self around his neck. He seemed to smile under his big dark hood staring out of the window into the dark of the night.
Somewhere else in a small town in New York State a house was on fire. The flames were so high they practically touched the sky. Outside the house small boy no older than three or two stood outside the house that used to be his. He had lived there with his parents until five cloaked men with Animus attacked his house and killed his parents. They ransacked the house and when they didn’t find what they were looking for they set the house on fire. The boy managed to escape with a small golden necklace clutched in his right hand. The boy’s mini wolf Animus was sitting next to the boy his beautiful white fur red in the flames. He wasn’t alone though there was a man with the boy. He was tall and had shoulder length black hair. His hands were on the boys shoulders. After a while he led the boy from the burning house and towards the center of the town.
Matthias woke up in a cold sweat. He had had that nightmare again about the third time this week alone. He was the little boy how was just minding his own business and in one second his life was forever changed. However this one was unlike the others. This was the first time he saw that man in the hall and the terrible black figure with the snake Animus. This was what made Matthias wake up in fright, the black figure. Even in his dreams the figure was dark, foreboding, and made his stiff with fright just remembering him. Matthias closed his eyes trying to remember more details but already the images were leaking out of his head like they were made of water. He looked around the room making sure nothing had changed. It was a small room with a desk and bookcase on one side and a small closet on the other. He got carefully out of bed as to not wake Daron his Animus. He was a wolf now sleeping at the foot of his bed. Matthias walked to the mirror hanging on the wall. He was short skinny for his age and was always being teased for it by the other boys. He also had dark-brown hair that lay all over his head. His face was skinny and round with two brown eyes in the middle. He looked at the cloak on his bedside table it was 2:00 in the morning. Groaning he got back in bed hoping for a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep.


The next morning came too soon for Matthias he was still asleep by the time Daron woke up. Daron stretched out on the bed yawning as wide as a hippo. He glanced at Matthias smiling. Then with a devilish idea in his head he crept to the wardrobe jumped on the very top. With a malicious grin on his face he poisoned himself carefully as to get the perfect position. Daron made a sudden gigantic leap and flipping like an Olympic gymnast flew across the room. After about three flips he landed hard right on Matthias’s stomach. Matthias sprung out of bed like a frightened rabbit clutching his stomach.
“What the heck was that for?!” Matthias shouted angrily glaring at Daron who was now a little innocent lucking puppy.
“I don’t now what you’re talking about.” Daron tried to keep his face straight and his voice innocent.
“You know full well what I’m talking about! Landing on my stomach like you were a helicopter!” Daron whimpered a bit trying to look small and incapable of doing such a thing.
“And don’t try that on me. It won’t work.” Defeated Daron changed back into a wolf and started to walk around the room.
“It was the only way to wake you up, you can sleep through anything.” Matthias changing into blue jeans and a sweater looked at Daron.
“That’s no reason to jump on my stomach.” And with that the situation was closed Matthias one Daron zero. They then walked down the second story stairs into the kitchen.
The aroma of eggs and sausage wafted from the kitchen as they entered. There Mrs. Grandor was already cooking breakfast her snowleapord Animus sitting by the kitchen table. Matthias took his seat at the table and Daron next to the snow leopard.
“ Where’s Mr.Grandor?” Mrs.Grandor put a good pile of eggs and sausages on his plate.
“Oh he had to go to some sort of meeting early today. He said he wouldn’t be back until lunchtime.” She then went to butter the toast and gave Matthias a piece.
“Oh.” Matthias looked at his plate, for some reason Sirius Grandor had been going to meetings often lately. Mrs.Grandor sat at the table across from Matthias. Then there was the sound of the mailbox shutting. Mrs.Grandor was about to get up a get it but Matthias was already up and done with his breakfast.
“I’ll get it.” He said crossing the hall and getting the mail. He looked threw it there was the usual bills, an invitation by the looks of the envelope, and a letter from a school. Matthias stared at the school letter as he walked back to the kitchen.He put the mail on the table and sat down. Mrs.Grandor now finished with her breakfast started looking at the letters when the door opened and Sirius Grandor and some other men walked in. Mrs.Grandor went to the door to greet the newcomers and when they headed to the study on the second floor she turned to Matthias who had a looked of surprised shock. She went over and in a nice but strict tone said “Matthias go to your room and don’t come out until this is over. I’m not sure why these people are here but it can’t be good.” She then followed the group Matthias could see some of the people now. One was an old man bald and shriveled by age. His lemur Animus clutched loosly on his shoulder. There was another man young, strong looking and he had an air of being one you didn’t want to cross. His falcon Animus looking all over the place, as if looking for trouble makers. There was also a woman she was tall, young and she had bubble gum pink hair that reached to her shoulders. Her marmoset animus swung lively from the ceiling. Matthias went to his room as instructed when he reached it he listened for the sound of the study door closing. When it did with a satisfactory click Matthias new it was also locked. He looked out into the hall everyone was in the study. Not wanting to miss anything Matthias started to study but was pulled back by Daron.
“Are you nuts?! Those were government magicians; if we got found out we could go to jail!”
Matthias knew Daron was probably right but when do government magicians come to your house?
“Well then.” Matthias said confidently. “We’ll just have to not get caught.”
“But…” Daron began but Matthias was already in the hall creeping stealthily to the study door. Sighing Daron turned into a brown moth as to not give them away. Matthias reached the study and listened at the door knob. He could hear voices coming form inside.
“Remind my why we can’t do this in the government building?” This was the pinked hair lady. She had a voice that was like a mouces squeak.
“We can’t risk someone there overhearing us. Besides there there’s a chance the place might be bugged.” Sirius Grandor spoke calmly and coolly with his deep voice.
A wheezy voice answered Sirius’s this was the old man. “Now what is this little meeting about Sirius?”

[Destiny Guard]

Great Job! I like it ... :D Definantly took it a different way didn't you?

[Arashix]

Thanks! But like I said the main storyline should stay the same. I'll post the rest in a couple of days. The only reason I got this out so quickly was because I already had it on my computer. Lol

[Chaser's Apprentice]

Okay, I see that you are attempting to manipulate the aspect of description, but you describe the secondary aspects of the scenary, like the icy window and candles. The primary aspects are described later. You protray the scenery as one of your first priorities. Plus you use parenthesis to say, "(For dramatic effect)". If this beginning of this story is to be mysterious, such as a Foreshadowing Prolouge, it's okay. If not, you tell your readers of "Summoning circles" and yet do not tell us what they look like or what they do, though it's clear they "Summon". Your phrase, "His breath rose in little rythmic clouds." is wonderful, and so is, "I adopted the most terrifing and booming voice I could think of,". when you say, "...summon a lvl5 djinni." You don't use shortcuts like 'Lvl' and instead spell the words out. Overall, good, better than most of the other stories I've graded. You're pretty descriptive, a little more and that'd be great. Use metaphors and similies more often though. And it wouldn't hurt to adjuct your vocabulary, grammer, and spelling would it? A 7/10, awesomeness! And I'll grade the rest...later?
<GOEZ DEMYX, LUXORD, AND HAPPY FEETZ>

[Arashix]

Thanks i'm glad you liked it so far. I can't wait until you read the rest of it. Oh and incase I didn't tell you I wrote like a second version of this book (just incase you whant to check that out to). I'll keep in mind what you suggested.

[Destiny Guard]

Wow! You're first critic. lol

[Arashix]

Yeah, tell me about! lol I hope he likes the next bits.

[Destiny Guard]

I loved it all ... so far lol

[Arashix]

Well hopefully it will stay that way.

[Chaser's Apprentice]

Okay, the second part of the first chapter is better. It's good that you actually interchange from thoughs of the star of your story, to descriptions of things and people, and quotes, very good indeed. "...you could use a power guy like me around." Please clarify "Power guy" though, it's not very clear. You also say, "Like I said..." Try not to use those phrases where it seems that you're trying to intentionally clarify something to the readers, it's always very bad. Of course, the, "You humans are always so predictable" portion in parenthesis are great, you're connecting with your readers, an excellent technique that will always include humor. But then you say that a scroll appeared in the midst of air? It's okay, but I would make it more descriptive. Then, again, you use an ICP, an Intentionally Clarifying Phrase, "Where are we anyways?". And I forgot to tell you this the last reveiw, when making a quote you ALWAYS make another paragraph, even if the last paragraph was one sentence long, I'll make an example with your first chapter:

------>"Standred contract." I said having done this at least a thousand times.
------>"Sighn it at the bottom and i'm all yours." The boy took the scrool and a pen out of a desk drawer. He sighned at the bottom and I took the scroll back. It dissapeared again with a resonding hiisss.
------>"Well now we're offically partners." The boy looked relived and happy at the same time.
(Why doesn't it let us use Tabs?)

Okay? Overall this part is better than the last portion, though still some work on description, vocabulary, spelling, and grammer. 8/10, better, better. now for the next part?
<GOEZ DEMYX, LUXORD, AND HAPPY FEETZ>

[Arashix]

Yeah my rating went up! Anyway what I ment to say was "he could use a powerful guy like me around." Somethimes when I right I type the wrong word or letter. Thanks for the tips and insight, oh and you can move on to the next part if you whant.

[Chaser's Apprentice]

Wow! You're first critic. lol

........................
And I'll be revewing the next part in a little
<GOEZ DEMYX, LUXORD, AND HAPPY FEETZ>

[Arashix]

Hey, I didn't wright that.

[Chaser's Apprentice]

No, of course you didn't
*Points to name on quote*

Wow! You're first critic. lol

Lol, JK
<GOEZ DEMYX, LUXORD, AND HAPPY FEETZ>

[Destiny Guard]

Hey, I didn't wright that.

You didn't write what?

[Arashix]

Oh nothing.

[Chaser's Apprentice]

Lol, I'm still your first critic
<GOEZ DEMYX, LUXORD, AND HAPPY FEETZ>

[Arashix]

Yeah, actualy having a critic is kida cool. I don't know why but it is.

[Destiny Guard]

*shrug* I'm not much of a critic.

[Arashix]

Me too but sometimes I do get a little 'pickey'.

[Chaser's Apprentice]

Toooo....Tired...to...grade, OMFGZ!
<GOEZ DEMYX, LUXORD, AND HAPPY FEETZ>

[Arashix]

*Falls asleep at computer.*

[Destiny Guard]

*thinks about throwing water on her but takes her pie instead*